You found this site like the rest of us did, and it was no accident. You are not happy, your wife refuses to help out and share duties with you, but at the same time you appear more willing to tell us how you feel.
After 21 years of the same BS, my wife decided that it was now her time to be happy in a relationship, so she went out and has one. Laughs right in my face with it because she says she has nothing to lose by moving on. Divorce laws in NJ USA are clear cut. Alimony for life for anyone married over 15 years, half of everything, and child support that in total will bankrupt you.
My advise? Get out now (Just walk) or figure out a way to live with it and make the best of it. Simple. Trying reason either way is a waste of time, and over 50% of marriages fail anyway. My advice? RUN
Oh, and all the advice you get her that gives you that “OMG” feeling. Forget it. It’s all good “free”theory. You and your wife need to work this stuff out now.