Yep. A lot of talk and threats in the past. Now she does not even look at me or seem to want to stay in the same room. I protect myself by exiting the room first, or read a book if in bed.
If there is a wedding, I am the first and last person on the dance floor. I’m not a good dancer I assure you, it’s something like breathing and participating in the event rather be anywhere near exposed to their trigger fingers.
Frankly, I notice it pisses her off that I talk, laugh and interact with people who she knows aren’t red hot on her or her family. Truth is, I smile my ass off and laugh at other people’s jokes. It’s a hoot! Most times I actually forget about my anxiety walking into these parties.
Then when we hook up after a dance near our table, and, in the style of my master, my face sort of changes and I speak very monotone one or two word answers as I take the dance floor with gusto. An object in motion tends to stay in motion.
A former girlfriend of mine (35 years ago who is married and Mother to two young men) heard about my epilepsy (her oldest boy is having his third brain surgery in a month for his seizures) gave me (her son did) a metal of the patron Saint of neurological disorders. I wore it and she went into her best passive aggressive personality rage ever. Rage meaning a silent sneak attack. A beating that leaves no physical scars or marks. It was like a science project.
We have sex once a month (if that) barely talk, and by all appearances don’t seem to like one another – so what’s the downside?
I’ll keep hanging around all the other black sheep. Maybe we can start a club. The stories I hear from these sheep sometimes cheer me up. I’m thinking it might be more DNA than behavior, bad toilet training, or Daddy issues.

If you can, latch onto and richly savor these few shallow and meaningless opportunities to be obnoxious. Make a game out of it.

What the fuck….

Oh, seperating the accounts is good for your soul for a few weeks. Trust me, unless you are made of tempered steel, it won’t help. We can’t win peace unless we remove ourselves which requires certain and painful consequences.
You seem like a very sensitive caring guy. Some men can take a life of malicious unfulfilled needs. BTW: All the social workers say the same thing “take care of yourself.” If it were only that easy playing squash, taking up fishing, or watching NASCAR. Face it, we want a deep intimate relationship with somebody who meets your needs as well. Somebody we can do these things with, not take up to escape pain.
If it’s not clear to our wives yet, they have a plan of their own and it does not include us. “Hurrah for me and the hell with you.”

Just Some Guy
I feel your pain. After the shit hit the fan with my son, we hired an educational consultant to deal with what was then a crisis. Our son was totally out of control and all my wife could come back to was a very expensive wilderness program (6 – 8 weeks in the woods) followed by a year in a therapeutic boarding school. The consultants don’t like to give you any real financial footings, but from people I know going through it, or have been down this path, a very optimistic cost would be in excess of $150,000. Best outside estimate would be $175,000 +.
The whole situation, so I am told, is “a process.” Code for bend over and get out your checkbook.
I begged my wife for some help. She has bonds she refuses to cash in, and a resume that is over 10 years old. Being cornered I verbally let loose and demanded to know if she would tap into her vast untapped earning potential as a science teacher. Her answer???? Get ready………”I’ll get a job at a supermarket.” I let it fly calling her delusional and abusive. Out of touch, mean, and probably setting me up. Folks, between both children’s private school, the monthly nut is north of $14,000/ month. A MONTH!
She went on to say: “I don’t think you (me) should look at spending this money as a handout to our son. He needs help.” “Besides, you (me) don’t have to pay it all at once.” Well, it’s officially my MY problem!
I put my foot down, set up counseling for the entire family (a bleeding joke) and have a few contingency plans if he starts acting out again. Thankfully he’s currently on track, but who really knows. I guess that is a “process” as well.
One option I floated was simply tossing him out. Destroy property, coming in after 3 drunk and high, verbally abusing people. Police, etc is reason enough for me. You can’t force someone to change or accept therapy as a captive in the wilderness of Utah.
If anybody finds themselves in this position (I hope the hell not) keep asking the so called professionals a question: “And then what?” The big “And then what” was my belief after all that “process” he could not come home where got in trouble to begin with. My wife was mute….meaning she (not me) would not close that door.
My response: “You have no vote.”
Oh….her therapist must be working overtime to deconstruct what I said.
I am frigging in the wilderness, be have started seeing a very good social worker myself. I’m drinking from a fire hose with information to calm my mind and settle, but this is tough.

Here is the hook. For awhile I was going for the hook. I really felt (as I have since we started having kids) that if I give her something she really wanted it would please her and we would be closer. NOT THEN. NOT NOW. NOT EVER! Same woman who forged my name to tuition documents over my strong objections to send him to a Waldorf School…which is a cult. Pretty big in Calf.

I’ll therefore add one more pleading in addition to begging, reasoning etc…..Giving in.
So now our marraige is on auto pilot. She stays busy with animal rescue, and when that “job” gets a little too busy, she steps back and drops more responsibility on my head. The message is clear: “FU!” Yet, in public she is loved and gives love. We just ignore one another and she acts like a total bitch bastard when I do not let her provoke me into jumping up and down.

Guy, I understand perfectly. A study I read recently followed many couples who were having significant marriage problems. The result was of the couples who divorced almost none saw a significant improvement in their lives. The ones who struggled through were happier in five years. The primary reason was that they just got tired of fighting. Simply gave up on things they could not change. Encouraging huh? Get beaten to a pulp and like a POW become attracted to your captors. Learn to love being unhappy. Talk about the final death of an intimate relationship.

My wife has said to me that the problems I have now (my problems) will just follow me into my next relationship. Forget about meeting each other’s needs, just get used to ignoring them and they will go away. The mind F’ing is limitless.

If i could walk out my door right now with little or no consequences, there would be a sonic boom.

Rob

This one’s easy. You will be trading charge cards with alimony. AND alimony is a huge tax deduction for you. You might come out ahead on so many levels.
Also, if a man controls a woman it’s abuse. If a woman controls a man, it’s a bad relationship.
We are always wrong and the courts see these woman the same way.
If those were the numbers I was looking at, I’d be oughta there in a second. I’d leave the news on a Post It note on the fridg. , serve the papers and move on.

Hi All
I need an editor. This article is about parenting styles. It’s pretty obvious what they are saying is that opposite parenting styles are not a bad thing altogether. HOWEVER, in the article is talks about the Husband (the layed back parent) and the children being afraid of the wife/mother.
I’m trying to wrap my head around the obvious role reversal where the Wife and Children confess they are afraid of the Dad/Husband.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peggy-drexler/when-parents-have-differe_b_1925090.html?utm_hp_ref=daily-brief?utm_source=DailyBrief&utm_campaign=100112&utm_medium=email&utm_content=BlogEntry&utm_term=Daily%20Brief