Hi

Yes, now being in the dating world, I see what the real world is for the vast majority of woman I have come to know. A few career teachers, a dentist and two woman who worked full time with significantly handicapped children with zero help from their ex husbands who were “men boys” drunks, lazy, or simply didn’t take their vows seriously.
I must be honest, if I were faced working full time with full responsibility for a sick or handicapped child would be well beyond what I feel I could cope with.
One woman I am seeing is a full time teaching assistant (15 years) who had to carry her husband’s addiction on her back and ignored completing her bachelors degree to become a certified art teacher….Meaning she makes less than half of what a teacher makes. She also cleaned houses, painted, taught private art classes until she sadly discovered that even steel breaks.
These stories are very raw reminders that the relationship I was in was very much one sided, selfish, and abusive. Even to this day, my ex behaves as if certain things I used to provide her are still her entitlement. God love her, she really has no idea she’s even doing it.

Yes, the real issue with me was the guilt, confusion, frustration I carried for years believing I was supposed to take care of my ex wife in a way I wouldn’t permit if my own children behaved the same way.

Bravo!!!!
You have nerves of steel. I could have never done what you had the guts to actually do. I really have to hand it to you to live the hypocrisy. Of course she left lickty split!!!

I have to ask a few questions. When you asked your wife to work and cut down on your nervous exhaustion in progress, was her answer silence? Did she have a plan or was it the Mexican standoff? Did she shovel the guilt manipulation at you?

I can assure you (for me anyway) it never ends. The entitlement is so ingrained it’s almost invisible……and it’s taken me awhile to stand back. The word no is actually a whole sentence. Amazing, but I’m still tugged to fix her problems, and feel like the king of the world when she pretends to pay attention to me whatsoever.

I hope you are relieved?

Good wishes,

Tom

Some Judges won’t. However, my current female friend has been divorced 10 years, and unlike many, she wanted out, she wanted the house she essentially bought with proceeds from the sale of her non marital home, and no alimony. She was told to pay $475/ moth support for two children….that was it. However, in the final hearing, the Judged reminded her that she was entitled to alimony, and asked her several times if she were sure of what she was giving up. She did, and her ex has not paid one dime in support since . Owes about $80K and because he is a hopeless drunk, she has never made an issue out of it. I will also mention her youngest daughter is 24 and challenged with health issues……she did it all alone, and confesses she preferred doing so just not to deal with him. BRAVO!
My kinda woman…..strong, smart, mature, and a lot of fun. To everyone going through a divorce, or thinking about it, it gets better in so many ways.
I can even be in the same room with my ex and not get upset anymore……

Like you, I made it clear I was going to the wall with alimony, so she gladly took a buyout.

Hang in there all. I still have my moments, but it gradually gets better…..even though it is so much different. Being treated nicely takes al lot of energy, trust, and patience. It’s normal.