Thnaks
The emails and texts are upsetting because of ALL the brinksmanship she perfected over the years. The silence, stonewalling, or changing the subject when the discussions weren’t going in her favor truly left me feeling like I was going a bit mad. The last minute confessions Monday morning were the most telling because it spoke to every dead end I found myself in over the years. It actually made me angry and focused on just letting the clock tic until it was over. The challenge I have before me will be dealing with her self imposed poverty in relationship to the financial obligations she is now legally responsible for in relation to our children. Friends are taking bets that she will never work, and although some can say I am no longer “walking that dog” the reality is, she will never give up inventing ways to not work.

Hi
Yes, the last minute remorse was incredible. She thinks I’ve traded in a wife for a pen pal……Same thing. “You didn’t tell me……” Or, I had unrealistic expectations of what marriage was supposed to be. The last comment to me was : “Not everything means money to me.” What a crock…………….Duhhhhhhhhh. A frigging infant!!!!!!
Best to be done with it…..

Thanks. I think your husband is a very fortunate man to have an adult partner. I will confess that even up to the witching hour (no pun) I might have been swayed. Now that it’s over and I have that document with the gold seal, I am profoundly sad, but lighter that the insanity has been contained, and (sincere or not) validated that she actually admitted her regret over not working and helping our family through some really terrible terrible times.
Again, my test is putting the shoe on the other foot, and if our roles were reversed I’d have every expectation to be taken away to the Ha Ha Hotel.

Tomg

Hi
Thanks for all your encouragement, and frankly for this web site. Just so you know, I was getting text messages all night that were simply guilt trips and excuses for all the years of letting me hold the bag. The last few lines of her text accused me of holding a false storyline that I was wrong thinking her not working was the cause of our issues. I’d call it what it is and say “she refused” to work. Big difference!
She sighted ALL the wonderful opportunities she provided for our children staying home, but not ONCE did she mention how she was able to do all those wonderful things. All true by the way up until the ages of maybe 8-10 9(10-12 years ago) and even today when the are 17 and 19………….God knows, she sits at the kitchen table helping them do their college term papers and High School lessons……such BS!
Claims she always had small jobs that brought in a little money which went into her pocket, and that she never went wild shopping for herself, etc……but when it came to thousands of dollars a month for tuition, room and board and the fact that her laziness forces them to max out student loans, my answer to her is still “you are out of touch.” Being out dating other woman with children at or older than ours, totally shoots holes in her “logic.” These woman worked, kept up houses, saved money, all of that while their husbands indulged their drinking and drug habits at the families expense. Just total bunk. Her contention is still that if she worked she would then have to “do it all.” Sounds great until you ask her if she even considered trying. She just assumed i would drink beer, watch the game, and do nothing…….This from a man who would rather cut both my arms off rather than take charity from my family…….Besides, I don’t recall the day I promised anyone a rose garden. I don’t recall promising her her own bliss….she claimed that, and made me responsible for delivering the goods.
I’m really conflicted and sort of angry (today was the day), but it could not go on.

Oh my!!!! Get out as quickly as possible. I hung in with a LOSER for almost 22 years and all I have to show for it are several more years of work before I retire. The latest is my divorce will be final on the 29th. As of a week ago, I have been getting really nice, well thought out, kind emails from her dancing around the fact that as of Monday she has no job (yet), no health insurance, and nothing to fall back on to pay her 38% of our son’s tuitions. Ladies and Gents…..she’s screwed only for the fact that she still does not understand that she has the capacity to earn enough to actually have it made. She has a house debt free. A slug of cash in the bank (tax free payout of alimony), a nice 401K plan….and two cars. Again ALL DEBT FREE!!!!
I am dating a woman who’s husband was also a loser. Left her with a house leveraged with debt, credit cards, and a disabled daughter in need of good health benefits……He has not worked in 15 years. She is a school teacher making okay money who just can’t get her head around the fact that my STBX is not taking this all to seriously.
So today (48 hours before the final judgement) she flat out tells me she is “unsure” and that we should just postpone until we can “reexamine marriage.” WTF???????
Bottom line, I hold all the cards: The insurance card, the retirement card, the nondidtributable inherited trust fund (Ding Ding Ding!!!!) She also told me that now that she is paying her own car insurance, the carrier just informed her that all her speeding tickets has now qualified her for the “You are being dropped Club.” My insurance has been cut by 2/3rds because I observe rules…..Interesting. I wish her luck in growing the hell up and getting a life. She nearly ruined mine. Be strong.

Mike
Sorry for your health issues. I am also the bread winner in our family, and my soon to be ex graduated from a very good school with highest honors, and is a certified science teacher who did not work a day for the 22 years we are/were married.
I did EVERYTHING to help her get back to work, until it got so bad we really didn’t like one another very much because (do some soul searching) we did not share the same values.

We can write our little hearts out on this site, but the bottom line was I was WAY TOO NICE supporting her for all that time. The final insult was an affair she now blames me for creating because I was emotionally detached, and now her ex boyfriend for praying on her weakness I was told I created………Wrap your heads around that readers…..lol

Now that we are literally days away from the final court date, she has put on the charm campaign and regrets what happened, but will not apologize for anything……..I have a great attorney who got me a very fair deal, but she got a home (free and clear) $150K in cash, and half my retirement savings to buy out of lifetime alimony.

I pay over $1K/ month child support, and during our last “talk” she told me that I knew full well she could not run a house on that child support money…………I told her that she wasn’t supposed to and that the $50K we imputed as her income was for real. She now MUST work..ha ha ha . Meaning, shes responsible for a large percentage of the children’s tuitions, some medical, plus her own COBRA health benefits, which she is completely unable to pay for since she has not even attempted getting a job since we signed our marital settlement agreement……SO, this weekend she turned on the charm and flat out asked me to pay 100% of the children’s tuition for the next two years while she looks for a job……I reminded her she has had 22 years to do that, and that her work habits had nothing to do with me anymore (No longer my dog to walk…)

You have a tough one friend, but you have every right to feel hung out to dry, and with time it will only get worse. Sorry, but you have a lot of property and marital assets. Stop buying and investing and start soul searching.

GET OUT!