Doesn’t sound like that great of a home life. Been there and can sense your aggravation, abandonment, and loneliness. Don’t know about that sleeping in another room deal, but from my experience, my worst nightmare came true when my STBE told me she was having a “relationship” with another man. I have two sons. One is in college in AZ, and the other is a Jr. in HS and my wife rescues animals as a hobby.
Bottom line. Up until very recently she had been having and affair with the animal control officer in our town THE DOG CATCHER! We will be officially divorced May 6th (next week).

I’d look into what that other bedroom is all about. Just prepare yourself for the possibility of something you might not want to know. I NEVER would have believed she could do that. Was I wrong! BTW, go with your instincts and start thinking in terms of protecting yourself.

Good luck brother

You are exactly right. Make sure you understand (you might even sense) that you have a partner who can play the part of the baby seal on the ice, whip up tears, passive aggressive, or can simply beat you into submission well before you say “I do.” The trick is being honest with yourself if you suspect this trouble on the horizon.

In my case I partially blame myself for simply loving the idea being in love with my wife and ignoring the signs. I worked hard, took little risks (meaning I often stayed at jobs I often hated for the sake of security) and simply did the best I could with what I had until the resentment overtook me. Meaning the disfuction came back to bite me and propel my wife into the arms of another person who could now take care of her, only with the security of our home we owned free and clear, and half of everything else I broke my ass to provide and opportunities I gave up to make sure everyone was taken care of.. Talk about the ultimate betrayal…….

I’m now casually dating and can see things very clearly. Woman who were also duped (other side of the story) and those that would prefer a “white horse” variety of man in their lives. I call that initial date “one and done.”

Boys are not taught to protect themselves emotionally for this danger, and are actually taught to subordinate their emotions, values and beliefs to their partner in exchange for some type of ideal (non existant) relationship that will eventually get better over time, later to regret and morn things in that relationship that never were. (Opening eye stage).

In my case I really think my STBE still does not get it (more denial on my part I’m sure) because she still calls me (from her boyfriend’s house) for advice on how to (get ready now…….) invest the money I was ordered to give her as part of our settlement. It it appears she’s a person who has the same tendencies as people who have sex with dead people…………………………..AND for all that behavior I am rewarded with the title over “verbal abuser.” People, when you have a partner coming at you emotionally like Freddy Kruger there comes a point where “reason and logic” must sound like the teacher on the Peanuts cartoon…..wha wha wha…………………….because my feelings never really counted, but the outcome was all but assured. It was her who had to suffer all these years with a partner who should have just shut his mouth and done what he was told.
As my counselor often says to me: ….: “Tom, assume you are a very angry person. Who wouldn’t be?”

I’m afraid however that these tendencies cannot be appreciated until you have been dragged down the road for the ride of your life.

Join the fraternity…….Your wife is lazy, entitled and abusive and the quicker you accept that the better off you will be. In her own wharped mind YOU are holding her back, and brother, you will pay the price eventually. The emotional side is telling you (at times) how lucky you are to have a stay home Mom willing to give up her life to make everyone elses so much better. However, ask yourself a question. Is it really? Does her frittering her time away benefit anyone but her? Really?
Children’s educations, retirement? Come on! Reverse the roles and you might find yourself strapped to a gurny in a mental hospital.
The point is this is not acceptable for you and you (most men) have no basis to object to it.
Look around……I work with woman with 2,3,4 children and they hold down jobs and everythibng else it takes to participate in a marriage and family. This is NOT setting a good example for your children – trust me. Nobody in my hose works, and being in the final stages of divorce sealed my fate because i have to maintain her and the children to a lifestyle they are accustomed to. Which is I pay for everything the rest of my life, and then some considering i have to maintain life insurance in case I die. So, I am enslaved even from the grave. Get it?
Want another window into how bad it can be? I have significant health problems which could but me on disability. THE COURT DOES NOT CARE!!!!!!!! I can have it reduced, but it will leave me with a few hundred a month to live on, pay COBRA and medications……In other words, I’m doomed and wifey sits on the couch thinking of ways her and her attorney can deliver the death blow……..
If your married less then 10 years…..RUN for your life.