The question is dead on becasue I feel my anxiety reading it, or trying to answer it. Has the damage been done? Without a doubt.
Do I beleive in my heart of hearts she is just hanging on to hang on until she is ready to leave? Yes.
Pardon me, but we never have relations anymore. She rearly initiated in the first place, but it’s now me who is just not into it. It would be more like a release, and since I am not shallow, the disappointment is just not worth it. I’m actually in a better place most of the time ignoring her and simply not expecting anything so as not to be disappointed. I refuse to engage which is both very hard, but with practice also very liberating. Cerntainly no way to live.
I have many opportunities to stray. I have been presented these opportunities, but NEVER act on them although not having really been touched by a woman is such a long time is killing me since I am a passonate person. She is just not an adult and I really don’t know what she even expects.
Does it matter/
Friday, May 11, 2012
Hi esqjeff44
You sound at peace with your decision. Our professions are stressful and require drive, focus and a very thick skin. I cannot control my wife and i can’t change her. I don’t want to, besides, who has time?
I’ve said this in several posts. If the roles were reversed we would have been tossed out long ago as loafers and moochers (or worse). In my wife's case, she does animal rescue, so if we switched our rolls i would be wearing a white jumpsuit and making pot holders at the Ha Ha Hotel years ago.
Was there a WTF moment, or did it all just fall into place one after the other? I ask because I am standing far back now and just watching and listening to her.
She is a good Mom and does all that heavy lifting, so it isn’t all bad. However, she blames me for everything that is not right in our family.
I’ve said this in several posts. If the roles were reversed we would have been tossed out long ago as loafers and moochers (or worse). In my wife's case, she does animal rescue, so if we switched our rolls i would be wearing a white jumpsuit and making pot holders at the Ha Ha Hotel years ago.
Was there a WTF moment, or did it all just fall into place one after the other? I ask because I am standing far back now and just watching and listening to her.
She is a good Mom and does all that heavy lifting, so it isn’t all bad. However, she blames me for everything that is not right in our family.
You sound very very tired. I hope you can respond and tell me more.
Regards
Ed Note: Nah, role reversal is the pipe dream of feminists everywhere.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Welcome to my world! Been on the job for 28 years without one break in between while my wife finished up college (full-time. Never took a moment to work or contribute to the household expenses. EVER) That tradition stayed in effect for 21 years. We have a family account (the money I make goes in both our names) and then she has her account.
Many years ago she was demanding our one son go to a very expensive private school. So expensive it was almost a joke to consider. ; $12,000/ year on my salary of $35,000.
I said no, and she played a Mexican standoff until she got fed up and forged my name on the documents, enrolled him and that was that. Until I wrote the school and asked them for a copy of the tuition agreement. BINGO…..Stabbed in the back! BTW: She did this ALL WITHOUT HAVING A JOB HERSELF. Double back stabbed!
She treated it like I had wronged her. Imagine me having the gaul to write the school and not trust her. THEN she started in how she had to do it because I was “not emotionally present” toward the family. It was simple……She was trying to do the right thing and I was getting in her way. Her Dad died when she was 4, so lets cut to the chase. Daddy issues + her Mom had an abusive Dad, and her Mother had an abusive husband…..Ahhhhh the family tradition of not relying on men was taken to a higher level. Her Mom and Grandmother were control freaks…..My wife is simply entitled, but says she does not “need a man.”
She is obviuosly conflating emotional independence with financial dependency. Problem is she’s either hoping I will stroke out of have a heart attack, or leave her.
She rescues animals while the boys are in school all day which actually costs me money. She says: (GET THIS) “It’s a hobby and you should get a hobby yourself.” Hello, hobbys are things you do when you aren’t working. Like….in your spare time!
Hobbys cost money. Having interests in things don’t. So she drives hundreds of miles in the SUV I gave her, charges me for the gas and maint. and then treats me as if I’m a wife beater.
Nuff said. I feel your pain
Many years ago she was demanding our one son go to a very expensive private school. So expensive it was almost a joke to consider. ; $12,000/ year on my salary of $35,000.
I said no, and she played a Mexican standoff until she got fed up and forged my name on the documents, enrolled him and that was that. Until I wrote the school and asked them for a copy of the tuition agreement. BINGO…..Stabbed in the back! BTW: She did this ALL WITHOUT HAVING A JOB HERSELF. Double back stabbed!
She treated it like I had wronged her. Imagine me having the gaul to write the school and not trust her. THEN she started in how she had to do it because I was “not emotionally present” toward the family. It was simple……She was trying to do the right thing and I was getting in her way. Her Dad died when she was 4, so lets cut to the chase. Daddy issues + her Mom had an abusive Dad, and her Mother had an abusive husband…..Ahhhhh the family tradition of not relying on men was taken to a higher level. Her Mom and Grandmother were control freaks…..My wife is simply entitled, but says she does not “need a man.”
She is obviuosly conflating emotional independence with financial dependency. Problem is she’s either hoping I will stroke out of have a heart attack, or leave her.
She rescues animals while the boys are in school all day which actually costs me money. She says: (GET THIS) “It’s a hobby and you should get a hobby yourself.” Hello, hobbys are things you do when you aren’t working. Like….in your spare time!
Hobbys cost money. Having interests in things don’t. So she drives hundreds of miles in the SUV I gave her, charges me for the gas and maint. and then treats me as if I’m a wife beater.
Nuff said. I feel your pain
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