Here’s the deal. I live in NJ which a gulag camp for divorced men. I was (soon to be unmarried) for 21 years. In NJ it is alimony for life (these all sound like prison terms. “For life.” “5 to 10.” etc………
If your attorney tells you there is some type of spreadsheet for figuring alimony, walk right out of their office and find another attorney. There IS NO FORMULA or “guideline”, its what you can talk her into doing with the least amount of fuss. If her appetite is cash, give her some pre tax (lump sum), and a house (also pre tax).
Your reasoning is spot on, but if your wife is bat shit, you need to find the most aggressive attorney you can find to back you up.

I pulled it off. Gave my STBE the house, $90K in cash, 1/2 my retirement, and child support that imputed her income as a certified science teacher at $50K/ year. In other words, “get a job.” That said, I had significant non distributable assets I could have raised a huge legal defense with (wear her down) – BUT, the secret weapon for me (my opinion) is her boyfriend who she believes is like minded (I was at one time……….) who owns his own business, is divorced himself, and might need a hand up from the alimony he’s paying out of his backside. His wife lives is a very very nice home in a great part of town, so it is clear she got that and more in the divorce. The word is he likes to drink and like woman about 10 year younger then my STBE…………..Too funny.

Side note. She loves they guy because he’s so loving, calm and respectful. Her and I had a disagreement on a free weekend, so rather then talk about it (I’ve never met this guy) he picks up the phone and calls me at work to chew me out for wrecking his weekend…….Can you say brass ones? I believe this ape actually thought HE could somehow make ME do what he wants……..Can anyone else hear warning bells?

Anyway, spread your assets on the table and carefully make a weak offer. The next person who speaks loses. If she wants to kill you, you will know in seconds, if the counter offer is somewhere inside orbit, you might be able to buy her out. BTW: I should have gone with alimony because she and this guy love one another, and since the wife likes to be taken care of, I figure she will be remarried in three years, but I wasn’t going to roll the dice because of the unhealthy chemistry I see happening between them.

AGAIN, everything is negotiable.