The planning has to be slow, thoughtful, and very very hush hush. Again, I can’t stress enough to avoid punishing her with that nuclear threat. Better to tease her real thoughts out, patiently reflect them back, and make mental notes. It will help you focus on what you are doing and why. It might minimize the second thoughts (there will be plenty of those opportunities during family dinners, holidays, etc….
Or, you might actually get through to her and pull back. Stranger crap has happened along my path to the door.
In my case my ex just shut me out, and unleashed her best passive aggressive behavior on me. Avoid, change the subject, or even mockingly agree with me….

When my lawyer called me to tell me she had engage a firm, was the worst day of my life. It’s so emotional, but again focus with your attorney if it happens. Pick one or two things you will go to war over in the process. If you want to retain your pension, go after that hard, and neogotiate a solution, or not. In my case I inherited a pile (she could not touch) so I made it clear day one I would rather burn all my money rather than pay her alimony. I refused, and I went very very hard for that. You might also think of doing a little “crazy posturing” early on.
I do not pay alimony, but gave her a slug of cash, a house and half of my retirement. It was worth it!

Having a plan is not mean because you must know your rights, and again realize, everything is neogotiable. If you interview your attorney and they tell you the whole deal is simply math driven, get up and walk out and find another lawyer. You will get killed!!!

Yes, having a support group is important. A few guys at work who went through it were my cheer leaders and supporters. It’s important, but avoid telling too many people.

Good luck, and from my heart I hope you can work things out with you wife, but keep an open mind and open eyes.