Jase
I would need two signed affidavits from attorneys before i would give you advice… lol.
You have a very frustrating situation on your hands, and if the roles were reversed, the result would without question paint you as a lazy, entitled loafer who is sponges off his wife….bla bla bla. That is society, and there is nothing we can do about that but choose to accept it, or not. The extreme in my case was my ex was having an affair, but even then, it was not her fault because the relationship was bad. You can’t speak to this stuff because it is an abject waste of your time perpetuated by the likes of Oprah and her man hate speak.

If you press the issue, do it in terms of asking her questions. “Would you be willing to talk about our finacial situation?” Would you be willing to work to give our children assurances they can go to the college of their choice?” “Would you be willing……bla bla bla. My point is, call her out and have her say the words, or simply say no. Oh, you do have a right to ask her why? “Would you be willing to tell me why?” If she blows you off, gets angry, or clams up altogether, you have a real situation on your hands. Just be mindful that when you put actions into effect :control the checkbook. A budget. Taking back credit cards.” You have crossed the Rubicon. All I can really say is you will know what is best for you. Divorce is going to hit you hard financially, emotionally, and will open you up to some real ugliness.

Good luck Brother