A counselor I am seeing put it this way. She had these problems WAY before she met you. My biggest problem DAY ONE was her lack of drive to work. Lack of drive to even look for a job.
Then to have all my hard work literally thrown back in my face…….How am I coping lately? I just refuse to engage. I tell her “I” don’t have cash lying around to do this, or that. Then I drop it. Hard for me to do, but in many ways empowering because I think it obvious what the result would be if she crossed that line.

My friends call me St. Thomas. I have recently reached out to many of my old friends and I don’t think she’s so keen on that. Too f’ing bad!
My family; unlike hers, support but don’t butt in. Everyone suggests I leave, I’m thinking of maybe renting a house at the shore for a few weeks if the situation with my son blows apart again.

It’s no way to live, but I am building a support system back around me so I feel comfortable. People I trust. I made her family mine, and they have all stabbed me in the back. Blood is thicker, but I really have zero use for any of them. In fact, none of them are too high on work. They come from the school of “the money always comes” groups. They have actually told me this. I worry too much about money. What a laugh! Somebody has to……..
Imagine. A 46 year old woman with a college degree with one boy away from home and the other a Jr. in HS rescuing animals all weeks and double time on weekends……I would be committed……
Life is not fair, but I’m through letting her family or her rent space in my head. I do what I have to do to get what we need. If she has an easier way to do that, she could have said so years ago.

You don’t hate your wife. You resent her. Much more corrosive over time. It hurts. Its demoralizing. It makes your life a prison……….

I get it. Hang in there. Opportunities will present themselves to have peace of mind and emotional safety.