Hi
This issue I feel I’ve been dealing with early on in a 20 year marraige is a passive agressive personality. She has never been able to confront or participate in real issues. I don’t think she really knows its happening. She is terribly forgetful with me and may of her freinds. Deafening silent on real issues that require some uncomfortable discussion. She listens, but literally contributes little. I has driven my crazy for years. Early on I would express my opinion on issues that somewhat made us appear less than the always happy couple. She shut down, ignored it, would not discuss it then or ever again. naturally the issues surfaced again and i got the same non response…Only this time i would get angry. My anger shut her down more. on and on and on.
Everyone loves her (me also) because she answers their questions, engages in conversation, etc while I felt put aside, isolated and depressed. I find myself apologizing for stuff I did that only seemed to be in my head. Who wouldn’t?
Then I was cast further aside as being too sensitive or thin skinned. In other words, don’t expect me discuss issues because the more I give non answers the more you (me) seem to want to pursue them. I could deal with a big fat F you rather than NOTHING. Actually NOTHING is a big fat F you once or twice removed from reality.
Sooooo, I’m painted as the overy sensitive pest…The truly sad part is the dynamic works perfectly. I get so PO I have even dropped the D word which again empowers her that I am not worthy of serious discussion. i.e. The bad guy.
i have even tried my own stonewalling. Fighting stonewall with stonewall… People, it’s horrible because the goal is complete and total noncommunication. Suits her fine, but drives a stake through my heart and I get bitter and angrier.
Marriage counseling? She does not truthfully participate. The counselor we did go to at one point asked her if she was afraid of me. Afraid of me? I had never thought that way before, but it occured to me later on that truthfully sharing in a stand and deliver situation was nearly hopeless.
She went to counseling alone and shortly after she went I noticed she became somewhat more assertive, but in a very negative way toward me. Victim? Oh yeah!
Question + no answer = frustration. Frustration + no answer = self doubt Self doubt + no answer = anger Anger + no answer = hopelessness Hopelessness + no answer = depression Depression + no answer = detachment “Detachment?” See, she was right! I really don’t care…..I knew it ! I really didn’t deserve and answer at all.
It all equals insanity.