Show and need. Emotionally unconnected to the world, which the last time I took noticed had our house connected to it. I work full time and provide everything, even when things were so tight it seemed impossible. Yet, it is me who is emotionally unavailble to my family. That frigging hurts the worst. She is off at the zoo, pumpkin picking, going to the beach with our boys while I did what I was supposed to do. Let’s just say she kept me at arms length (I feels that way).

She has always loved animals, or has needed to love animals. We all like to do things and find some connection with people doing so. The vast majority of the woman she pals around with rescuing cats are divorced and many look like abused animals themselves. The laugh of it is she thinks most of them are crazy people. She’s unhappy I can’t be who she wants, so she writes early on in or marriage (manybe 2 years) while we were on vacation that she wanted to throw a glass of wine in my face and end it then.In that situation I recollect I was recovering from food posioning, had worked all day, drove all the way (6 hours) to Cape Cod in traffic while stopping every 50 miles to crap my guts out. I was not talkative enough???????
What was I? Captain Stubing on the Love Boat? Give me a break……..
We all have our story lines and I am FAR from perfect, but I should have never accepted or took seriously her proposal to get married. On reflection, it was probably a manic moment for her and the see saw has gone on for 21 years.

I will have peace, and beleive it or not, I’m getting closer to the door.