Thanks

I joined a gym two years ago as the nonsense level went up. I went 5-6 times a week. My in laws told me i was “trying to escape.” I know you get it. Tom takes care of himself, bad. My wife saving cats, good. The question is not if I am trying to escape (oh, I am) , but why. AND, my wife sees a therapist to deal with new “coping skills.” (I pay for that therapy as well).

I went to talk with somebody myself. After about 5 visits in he said that I was very angry, but told me “who wouldn’t be?” He is a marriage counselor, but went on to tell me to get legal advice as an “escape hatch.” My freinds call me Saint Thomas. Pretty funny.

My youngest son? He’s my life. He talks to me. “How you feeling Dad?” “How was your day?” “You look tired. You ok?” “Guess what happened to me today?” We share a special secret sense of humor. He is my reality that i can have a really good relationship with somebody under our roof. We just roll….no agendas. No secrets. No sense of entitlement. Polite, respectful…..smart. We do what we have to do every day while the other two enjoy their world view from their own asses.

You mentioned something about insurance. That scares me. Why? It’s gone through my mind as well. Not that I would do anything, but I wish i could just become invisible at times. “Any place but here.” I hate my job for the last 30 years. (a long story) and I can’t make a change because we can’t afford that transition. Liberating at times because I just remind myself i have no choices. Makes life easy at times.

I’m 52 and with the $ I shucked out for “Jr” my retirement has been set back 5 years. $150 K in the span of 9 months……mind numbing. Then my wife wants him to apply to colleges and for me to encourage him to do so. I refuse. He’s on his own. I’m not a mean guy, but with his issues college is the last place on earth he should be. I didn’t create his problems, I can’t contol it, and i can’t cure it.

Again, I keep reminding my wife that I did not promise, buy or agree to take care of other people’s rose gardens. I can help, but only if my values dictate. Only if I choose. Hence, her phony baloney one (1) resume being mailed this weekend. (Funny….she even asked me for a stamp….).

I was afraid for awhile (not of leaving) but that I was addicted to misery. That i like it. I was terrified she would leave me or serve papers. At this point, she can do what she pleases in that regard. Not much different than what she’s always done. An emotionally damaged child/woman with significant daddy issues. Lucky me. I’m 7 years older than her…..Should have see that one coming. Oh well.