So here’s the deal. Very early in our marriage I was physically assaulted in front of my wife’s family. Hair pull and some harsh words. It was over an extended period of time it took for me to return to a family party with a few chairs.
I was stunned, but buried it deep. I guess as a man I really thought that was a good reason to bury it. After all, I’m not a baby….
A few years later it happened alone while on vacation. It was violent and I did defend her attack in the dark. I cried so hard.
Call that a WTF moment.
After that I lost respect and verbally I defended myself and admit I am at times pretty nasty. Fast forward 20 years and two kids later.
My wife covertly set up boundries and exacts them in an attempt, not to protect herself, but manipulate my behavior. Sometimes her mood changes in seconds, sometimes days. No passion. No attention. Nothing. She never worked and our sons are 17 (almost 18) and the other will soon be 16. Yet, no work, but a new fulltime hobby. Animal rescue.
Our oldest is into drugs, dealing, all of it. Thrown out of school….does not get any worse. After arm twisting and finally our yongest son flipping out over all the fighting, I relent and we sent him away to a wilderness program and a theraputic boarding school ($150,000). The wife still saves animals and our yougest goes to private school. My income to expense ratio is 226% and, yet, no job or even a half ass attempt.
Now the son who feels entitled to more, hates the boarding school and wants to finish out and plans on going to college……Backdrop. I begged, pleaded, reasoned, yelled, threatened and then sat him down and explained that the cost of his “rehab” exceeded what I set aside for his college. Meaning he had a chice. Well, he chose.

Now, reading up on how kids manipulate and emotionally blackmail parents, she has decided that it is me who is abusive and emotional blackmailer. Her family is onboard and her therapist echos the same danger signals. I read the articles and agree with some of the ideas might be me, but the worst are certainly not. In fact, I see her in alot also.

I’m so confused, hurt, sad and dispodent, but realize couples can love each other and yet not get along to the point of not being able to be under the same roof. The most hurtful is her family “The Greek Chorus” freezing me out and treating me like Rhasputin. Saying I am the cause of everything bad in my marriage and our son’s addictions and our familie’s dysfuction.

Wow….! never knew I had so much power…..

Couples break up over toothpaste brands, but this is without a question the worst relationship ever. Financially it will ruin me. Hoever, I also have medical issues (seizures) that have been going off under the stress like Japan’s after shocks. Stress is my number 1 trigger. I am 5 foot 6 and weigh 125 poounds. I sleep with the help of medication, but am so goddamn lonely.

It’s 8 PM and I’m in bed alone. With my dog who seems to stay with me before during and after seizures. A very protective JRT. A comfort.

I want my marriage to work, but am a good old boy who when cornered blows shy high. I recently told my son he blew his college fund, and as expected he flipped out because he feels entitled. I want him to understand what HE has done to himself. He can redeem HIMSELF, but on my terms. If he’s worthy of the trust and motivated plus committed.

HELP!